Friday, July 25, 2008

Poem-Off: And the winner is...


We have a winner of the first Poem-Off. And that winner is... (trumpet music) David Bryant! Of course, he wrote the epic poem about the bear. Great job! For your efforts, David, you get this picture of a crown (the British monarchy is borrowing it from you for a while) and a batch of brownies.

I will say that he put a lot of effort in this. The story cracks me up, and I'm glad he wrote it. So, if you ever have drunk bear problems, you know now to call on Hasselhoff. Hmmm...maybe he should be the emcee of our next challenge...

Do you want to know who wrote each one? Here's the list:
Poem 1: Travis W. Inman
Poem 2: Alison
Poem 3: Travis W. Inman
Poem 4: Alison
Poem 5: David Bryant

And I would like to again say thanks to Travis for throwing the gauntlet. I think he knew exactly what he was doing and knew we'd all have fun with it. I really enjoyed his poems, too.

Thanks to you who voted...hope you had a good time.

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Iron Poet: Battle Circus


Let the Poem-Off begin!


Listed below you'll find the entries for the theme, "Circus Surprise." The theme could be interpreted in any way by the writers.
Some silliness, some seriousness. All are anonymous until the winner is revealed. We did have a couple of cases of more than one entry per person. I made an executive decision to include each entry. Take a gander, then vote using the poll in the left margin. Voting is open until Friday morning. Later that day we'll crown a new Iron Poet, winner of the Poem Off.

Thank you to each person who submitted an entry. This has been a lot of fun. Who knows? If you all like it, too, maybe we'll do it again sometime.

Poem 1

To our dismay

The tightrope gave

And sent its bearer plunging

He fell so long

And fell headlong

His awkward legs were fumbling

And as he fell

He did not yell

He met his fate with laughter

For in the net

A second chance

Was granted—which he’ll flaunter.



Poem 2

young boy

smile as bright as a circus spotlight

lighting, brightening the dimmest rooms

…star of the show


star of the show

wows the crowd…master showman, master of ceremonies--

his song not perfect, yet he remained

star of the show


star of the show

exited on time—His time--but left the crowd wanting more

his light was dimmed too soon for the

star of the show


young boy’s young cousin

watches the crowd, hears the master of this odd ceremony

wonders why the smiles have dimmed, for she knows he’s now with the

Star of the show




Poem 3

A magician fluffed his robe and stepped into the ring

He wanted to see if an elephant could sing

And not just sing, but sing as a bird

And if it could, he’d want it heard.


He flicked his wand and produced a smoke

Once inhaled the elephant choked

But when he choked, he began to howl

And not as a monkey, but as an owl


The magician was troubled and flicked again

This time the creature clucked like a hen.

Not only cluck, but it scratched and pecked

And rooted around for a juicy insect


He rolled up his sleeves and tried anew

This time he shot a jet of blue

When it struck, the elephant growled

And as a lion began to prowl


Despite the scowls from the crowd

He lifted his wand and produced a frown

But once he pointed and produced a light

The elephant took off in a terrible fright.


For it had become the only elephant

That could cluck like a hen,

Howl as an owl,

Prowl as a lion,

Sing like a bird

But the magician wanted to logic defy

Instead he produced a circus surprise.



Poem 4

The circus stopped in the next town

Out went the horses, tightropes, clowns

The people came (and none was fickle)

To see the show and crunch on pickles


The red-striped tent was hot and loud

Applause erupted through the crowd

For elephants, tigers, and trapeze

Up so high none dared to sneeze


Yet when a man roared out a tune

Gasps sucked air from the whole room

For the “opera” singer there this time

Was none other than the mime



Poem 5

The circus was in town,
And we couldn’t wait to go,
We packed up all the family,
And we headed to the show.
But our night was very different,
It turned out really queer,
And all because of that one bear
Who drank a can of beer.

The lion tamer was nervous,
His lion had been rough,
So he opened up a frosty beer
And started to engulf.
Nobody should ever drink,
(That’s something we all know),
He wandered off without his beer
Distracted by his phone.

This bear had a tricky act,
Where he balanced on a ball,
So the bear and his male trainer,
Headed out for the great hall.
The trainer stopped to talk to Sue,
The cute young acrobat,
He didn’t see the beer can,
That the bear was staring at.

The bear reached out his giant paws
And grabbed it in one swipe,
And just that fast, the beer was gone,
Down his big windpipe.
The rest is really frightening,
But you really need to hear,
And all because of that one bear
Who drank a can of beer.

The trainer did not notice,
The bear was acting strange;
He gaze was still on Sue,
Who was still in visual range.
The bear began to do his act;
But some began to jeer,
And all because of that one bear
Who drank a can of beer.

The bear was really tipsy,
He couldn’t stay upright
He slipped right off his little ball,
fell like a concrete kite.
Then things went really crazy,
And lots of things were weird,
And all because of that one bear
Who drank a can of beer.

The bear liked cotton candy,
And he charged the little cart
He stuck his head down in the treat
Which probably wasn’t smart.
His face was blue and sticky,
And the people ran in fear,
And all because of that one bear
Who drank a can of beer.

Now the bear with covered eyes,
Ran around with great abandon,
Not seeing where he’s going,
He got stuck inside the cannon.
We all know what cannons do,
No need to say it here,
And all because of that one bear
Who drank a can of beer.

The cannon fired loudly,
And through the air he flew,
Like any other bear who flies,
A great big howl he blew.
Inside the tent was chaos,
So loud no one could hear,
And all because of that one bear
Who drank a can of beer.

He landed on the tightrope,
A bear who’s scared of heights,
He wrapped his legs around the rope,
It was really quite a sight.
The crowd was really worried,
They really were sincere,
And all because of that one bear
Who drank a can of beer.

The bear’s paws slipped and down he fell,
He was growling all the way.
Bouncing off the safety net,
That net had saved the day.
And once they saw his safe descent,
The crowd with one voice cheered,
And all because of that one bear
Who drank a can of beer.

About the bear, the clowns knew not,
And in the ring they flew,
And one clown started cussing;
when he stepped in the bear poo.
Children all around the ring,
Quickly shut their ears,
And all because of that one bear
Who drank a can of beer.

The ringmaster fainted,
And The trainer, he ran off.
"I’ll go and stop that crazy bear!"
yelled David Hasselhoff.
He bravely strode into the ring,
While people gasped in fear,
And all because of that one bear
Who drank a can of beer.

David walked up to the bear,
And bonked him on the head,
The bear just fell and landed hard,
He really did look dead.
The circus was so grateful
On That long and fateful night,
Hasselhoff got lifetime passes,
Since he helped them in their plight.

The bear was really fine;
He was surprisingly okay,
He lived for many years,
Performing all the way.
But there is much for us to learn
About more than hosselhoff,
We need to see that bears get drunk
And can even catch a cough.

Well, this story has a moral
Which is really quite austere:
don’t ever leave your bear alone,
or else he’ll find your beer.
Better yet, don’t ever drink;
you’ll never have to hear,
"Hey, you act just like that bear
Who drank a can of beer."

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Calling all submissions...

Good morning...

Friendly reminder: if you plan do battle in the Poem-Off, go ahead a send them to me by midnight tonight. I won't "cheat," as I've been accused of.
You have my e-mail if you know me already. For those who don't know where to send them, e-mail them to bloghmmm at yahoo dot com.

Sunday, July 20, 2008

Random thoughts

I'd like your opinion...

Please put on your imagination caps and tell me what you think. How do you imagine that someone speaking "Texan" would say, "Let's hurry up" during a crisis? As in,
"Let's hurry to the sale at the mall", or
"Let's hurry to the burrito shack." Just wondering.

Now, don't tell me that you don't go about your day wondering about this.

The winner gets a brand new, imaginary imagination cap.

Friday, July 18, 2008

First (Annual?) Poem-Off

Okay, people...quiet down! Let's have some order here.

Great! Now, let's get down to business. To bring everyone up to speed, this week I've had a poll on the blog listing hypothetical titles. I said I'd write something about the winning title. Lo and behold, late yesterday I was challenged to a poetry throwdown by Travis W. Inman. This challenge has grown, and now anyone who wants to compete can toss your hat in the ring. What's at stake? Bragging rights...and a batch of homemade brownies. If the winner is out of town, I'll ship them to that person.

Here are the rules:
- One entry per person
- No limit on size, scope, or form (doesn't have to rhyme), as long as it's a poem
- Title is "Circus Surprise"
- Entries due by midnight Tuesday, July 22nd
- Entries will be posted on Wednesday, voting will be by a poll I'll create...honor system that you vote only once. You can vote for yourself.
- Entries will be posted with no names attached, just labeled something like Poem A, etc.

So get to it and good luck!

P.S. For those of us whose vibrant night life on Fridays is filled with TV, Monk and Psych start again tonight (yay!), and Stargate Atlantis started last Friday.

Friday, July 11, 2008

Steppin' Out

It's time.

In the paper I just found out that the local university branch is hosting a free creative writing workshop this afternoon. People are supposed to bring a poem or short story to share. The group will give feedback.

I'm excited and slightly nervous. Excited because this is a passion of mine and opportunities like this are rare in our small city. Slightly nervous because there's always a risk when you share what you've created. ...But this is good for me. It's time to take advantage of chances to exit the comfort zone again. I'll pull out my thick skin from the closet and will hopefully get some useful critiquing while there (and hear others' good material). No doubt it will be a small, casual group. ...Okay, I'm getting more excited now!

Hmmm....what material to take?

If you're interested, I'll update you later on what it was like.

Sunday, July 6, 2008

What Not to Expect

Several people I know have been going through difficult times lately. In light of that, I thought I'd do a short "ditty" (that term is a whole other story) for a little reprieve.

Do you find that life never ceases to surprise? I love the amusing surprises.

Like today.

After the morning church service, I meandered into a main hallway in our church building. I happened by one of our older members, a friend of ours named Allan (and I know he wouldn't mind me sharing this).

Allan is a wonderful, endlessly colorful person; he and his wife are precious. He loves to laugh and cut up, but make no mistake: Allan has a hefty supply of tough-guy stories he can whip out at a moment's notice. ...Retired career military, one of the first Navy SEALS...he even has an ever-present eye patch with an American flag lapel pin secured on the front. You get the picture.

So imagine my surprise today when we're talking about TV shows and he says with total seriousness, "Don't you love that show 'What Not to Wear'?"

Why, yes, I do. But at that moment, my eyes got as big as a beauty queen's hairstyle to hear him say that. For the uninitiated, "What Not to Wear" is a weekly makeover show where two hosts ambush a person and whisk them away to New York for a week. Results? Head to toe transformations.

He went on. And on. "I tape it every Friday night. Boy, some of those people you just wonder if they'll ever make them look better. ...And the hair! I try to guess ahead of time if the person will let Nick cut it as much as he wants to. Did you see the episode marathon on Friday?"

I had to laugh then and there--one of those deep, belly laughs. What an unexpected thing to be chit-chatting with Allan about Stacy, Clinton, and shopping trips.

I hope I never quit looking for the unexpected.

So... what amusing surprises have found you?